detentionairefandomcom-20200215-history
Bed Bugged/Script
Lee: "Ping here. And yeah, I've still got detention for that totally epic prank that I didn't even do. But now, things are really heating up. Like a key the Taz gave me that's now the thing everyone wants. I've been using it for a while to get around in the underground tunnels, and there's freaky stuff down there." of Lee using the key appear. "Brainwashing rooms, robot chambers, and this crazy pyramid." of the areas are shown. "It seems my key, with a second one the Parents' Council has, can open it! Lynch, the guy who set me up for the original prank, sure wanted the key. Then the Outcasts tried to get it. But if the Taz wants me to be the one to open the pyramid, the million-dollar question is, what's inside?" ---- Detentionaire ---- comes to the base of the steps in his house and sniffs the air. Lee: "That smell. He's here! Somewhere." realizes the living room has been ransacked. "What the–" goes over to a photo album and sees a photo of him as a baby in a foreign land with his parents. A shadowy figure sneaks behind him. "What? Who's there?" spots the figure. "Who are you?" figures holds up Lee's key. "And hey! That's mine!" rushes towards the figure. The figure lifts the visor on its motorcycle helmet and blows a handful of red dust into Lee's face. It forms a purple haze, and Lee coughs on the dust. Lee's vision blurs. ---- Earlier that day...7:30 AM drags the key out from under his bed, not noticing the bug affixed to the bed. Lee: "Okay, you're probably safest here, but is there a better hiding spot?" video chat window opens on Lee's computer. Jenny: "Hey Lee!" Lee: "Oh hey Jenny, what's up?" Jenny: "I've been going over this book, and I still can't read it, but based on the pictures, there's some seriously intense stuff in here." Mrs. Ping: "Lee!" opens the bedroom door. "What are you doing to your underwear?" waves it at him. Lee: embarrassed "Aw Mom, c'mon!" Mrs. Ping: "They're full of holes! I just bought them! Say goodbye to your friend and come downstairs. I made you waffles!" turns back to his computer, blushing. Jenny has started picking her nose again, and she begins blushing as well. Jenny: hurriedly "I know I know it's gross. I'm working on it. I just can't help it. But I guess, now we can both be embarrassed." Lee: "Sure. Hey you're in detention today, right? We can check the book!" Holger: "Lee!" sticks his head through Lee's window. Lee: "Holg?" to Jenny "Gotta go, see you at school." Holger: falling "Wa-ha-hoo!" signs out and goes to the window. Lee: "Holg! Dude!" pulls Holger partway up. "What're you doing?" Holger: "First Brad be liking ze Greta, now Steve be liking the Greta!" Lee: Holger in "Whoa!" and Holger fall onto the floor. Holger: "Holger worried Greta stop liking Holger to like the way more cooler peoples now!" Lee: "You're just as cool, trust me. I mean, Steve's okay, but Brad?" Holger: "No be hogging zhe talk time! Holger having zhe problem. But, also having solution!" out a piece of paper "Holger read you win back Greta love poem now? Ja?" reading "Oh Greta, with the most splenderifous unibrow framing your gutenhappy chaistairgen eye–" trying to hide the key above his desk, topples to the floor. He gives up. Lee: "Okay, forget this, back under the bed." Holger: "Only you may wear sweater of nerd, and make look like coolest of pies." stifles a laugh. "Why, why is the chuckle times? Is Holger's love poem maybe too–gazoinky?" Lee: "No no, no, Greta likes your uh gazoinkiness. I'm sure she's gonna love it." ---- is outside with his cat. He fishes in his vest and pulls out a wig. Biffy: "Okay, you be Kimmie, I'll be me." puts the wig on the cat, who meows coquettishly. "So Kimmie, I've really enjoyed the time we've uh–lame! Okay, lemme try again." clears his throat. "Just wanted to say, that I like, I mean, like uh, like like no! Grrrh! Kim-Kim! Whaddup? No, stupid! This is impossible!" cat meows. "Yeah, okay, I'll figure out how to tell her. Just gimme some time to practice or I'll screw it up, okay?" cat meows again. ---- Lee and Holger arrive at school, Cam walks up to them. Camillio: "Yo, hermanos! What is and what w-a-a-as!" Holger: "Holger write love poem that Lee thinking is bad! Now Holger sad." Lee: "Dude, I never said it was bad. I–" at school gets a text at the same time. Lee and his friends pull out their phones. Holger: reading "Who used mass amounts–" Lee: reading "Of makeup this morning to hide a huge zit on her nose?" Camillio: "Ssh! It's–Toni?" looks up as the cheerleader approaches him. "Uh, hey growth! I mean gross! I mean girl!" fakes a laugh. "Super casual, hey what's up?" claps her hands over her face and runs away as the student body laughs at her. "What, I never like started it, I just like, kinda made it worse. Aw, man!" ---- is at his locker with Cam and Lee. Camillio: "Dude that text came from someone calling themselves Ssh! Do you think this could be my blackmailer?" Holger: out some food "Holger must finish rest of Greta's present, unless–" at Lee "–Holger's whole idea is chuckle-making, like poem?" Lee: "No, Holger it's–" slams his locker door and leaves in a huff. "Uh." opens his locker. A letter falls to the floor. Camillio: "Yo, a letter ese!" reads it. "Whoa! And from the same smiley-face eyes person! It's from my blackmailer!" Lee: "What's it say?" Camillio: reading "Dear President Fartinez–" annoyed "Aw." reading "If you don't want me to tell the principal you cheated, on this morning's news..." reads the rest of the letter silently. "No way!" hands the letter to Lee and shuts himself in his locker. The school bell rings. ---- is in class when everyone gets another text. Lee: reading "Whose underwear is full of holes? Hint he's also in love with Outcast Jenny. Ssh! It's Lee Ping? What?" entire class laughs at him. "Whatever. News flash: rumors are lame. And so what anyway?" rest of the class continues to laugh at Lee. Unseen Boy: mockingly "Lee loves Jenny." news comes on. Chaz: "A. Nigma High, rumor madness is sweeping the school!" singing "On Chaz's Corner!" normally "With Chaz." Tina: disapprovingly "Really. We're supposed to deliver the news, not rumors." Chaz: "Dokay Captain Buzzkill, whatever. First, Toni's horrible abomination of a zit, like a volcano on her face, grab an umbrella people, now bad boy Ping has holes in his unmentionables, enjoying the breeze? Oh, and he's also in love with a nosepicker! There really is someone for everybody, huh Tina? As Lee Ping's wannabe girlfriend, any comment?" Tina: exasperated "Just that rumors are–rumors. They're totally made up garbage that have nothing to do with the truth! And Ssh!, I'd check my sources on that Lee-Jenny thing if I were you. Anyways, in more important news, the uh, the fence." Chaz: "Rowr, little kitty claws are out, people. Look out, meow! So, gossip fans, who is this Ssh! character? So I can shake their hand. What rumor will spread next? How juicy will it be? I like mine medium-rare." gets a text and opens it. "Ooh! Even liver breaking news! Who had a garlic-and-onion bagel for breakfast, and didn't brush her teeth? Ssh! It's Tina Kwee!" down the phone "Let's just see for ourselves how bogus rumors are!" takes a whiff of Tina's airspace. "Yikesy, garlic and onion with–" another sniff "–peanut butter? Gag city!" puts himself in front of the camera. Camillio: smiling "Okay people, I'm gonna do a super cool dance, and uh, it's awesome, so no one laugh, okay? Here it goes." [Stepak steps back from the camera in surprise, deciding he has to see this ''without the filter of a camera as Cam strips off his normal clothes to reveal a unitard and dancing shoes. His dance involves plenty of high-kicks and removal of his headphones that would be not out of place in a vaudeville act involving a straw hat and a cane. Contrary to his request, the school laughs at him.]'' ---- doesn't see Cam until just before he has to go to lunch detention. Lee: "Wow I can't believe you did that." Camillio: "What choice did I have bro? My blackmailer said if I didn't he'd totally turn me in!" Holger: to Lee "So you think Cam's dance being bad?" Lee: chuckling "Uh, yeah. And embarrassing." Holger: gasping "But Lee using same chuckle laugh as before when Holger be reading you Holger's love poem!" Lee: "No, Holger I–" Cyrus: "Yo, Prez Fart!" throws a water balloon at Cam, soaking him. Camillio: angry "Dude!" runs off as the school laughs. "What was that about, like this day wasn't bad enough? Sheez!" storms off. As Cyrus rounds one corner, Greta comes down the hall in the other direction. Holger: to Lee "Quick! You telling truth, okay? Is Holger's poem too embarrassmaking? Or Holger read to Greta?" claps his hands in front of his face fearfully. Lee: "Honestly?" Holger: "Honestly." Lee: "It's a little, uh...odd. But–" Holger: affronted "Oh, so Holger be being, uh, a little um odd now, hmm?!?" Lee: "No Holg, you're misunderstanding." stuffs himself into his locker. Holger: "Holger go away and hide in shame." walks past, not noticing the commotion. Lee: "No Holger! Come outta there." principal walks up and taps his wrist. Lee sighs. "We'll talk about this later. I gotta get to detention." bursts into tears. ---- is walking towards detention when Tina catches up to him. Tina: "Lee! Walk and talk?" Lee: "Make it a jog and talk and sure. Otherwise I'll be late." begin jogging. Tina: "I just wanna say, I don't believe any of this stupid gossip. Even if it might be true. I mean, you can like whoever you want. Right? I mean, y'know." Lee: "What? Yeah. I mean, no, no. This gossip is bogus." arrive at detention. "Me and Jen–" Jenny: her head out the door "Lee! Ready t–" Tina "Oh. Hi. Nevermind. See you inside." turns around. Barrage walks up to Lee and Tina. Principal General Barrage: "What're you waiting for? A written invitation with a prune danish on the side?" Lee inside "Get in, and stay in!" they're inside "Well, 'ccording to the latest scandal sheets, I got me a pair of lovey-dovey tootie-patootie maraschino munching jailbirds!" sighs. "Well, let me make myself crystally clear! There will be no funny business in detention! And just in case, I added a smooch detector!" leaving "One mushy move, and zap!" door shuts. Barrage and Tina leave, Tina sighing as she does so. ---- is washing his face in a bathroom when he hears Cyrus playing in a stall. Cyrus: singing "When they got your number they'll be coming for you! Coming for you!" Camillio: the stall door "Dude, what was with the water balloons? I thought we was like tight." Cyrus: whispering "Dude. Captain Tophat has got problems. Check it!" holds up a yellow sheet of paper. Camillio: it "The smiley faces!" reading "Hit Cam with a water balloon, or else!" Cyrus: "Totally being blackmailed bro." Camillio: shocked "Whoa. You too?" ---- is crying in his locker when Greta knocks on the door. Greta: "Holger? Are you ever coming out?" opens the door and starts when he sees who it is. Holger: "Oh. Hello zhe Greta. Holger just making sure books and pens are comfortable in small space. Ja?" Greta: "I got your message this morning. What was the thing you had to say to me?" Holger: nervous "Wha-oo! Oh! Nothing. No. No special love poem where Holger pouring the heart out that best friend till old man times think is the bad, and odd, and chuckle-embarrasstimes making, nohoho! No-n-n-n-no-no-no." in school gets a text. Holger gasps when he sees it. Stepak: "Oh Greta, with the most splenderific unibrow–" Evan: "Framing your guten happy chai sturgeon eyes–" Chopper: up "Only you may wear–" Several Students: "The sweater of nerd, and make look like coolest of pies." laughs. Holger runs off in tears, and Greta blushes. Stepak focuses the camera on Greta. Chaz: reporting "I'm here with the sweater-of-nerd girl herself, what do you think of the poem? And–" laughs but gets his voice under control. "What exactly is a sturgeon's eye?" Greta: "Eh–weh–well–" Steve: angry "Okay, back off!" shoulder-checks Chaz out of the way and smacks the camera, turning it off. He then leads Greta down the hall. "C'mon study buddy, forget them." Greta: entranced "Oh thank you, study buddy." laughs as she watches them. Biffy walks up to her. Biffy: "So. What's so funny?" Kimmie: laughing "Didn't you see that? It was priceless." Biffy: "That Swedish meatball just poured his heart out and someone shredded on him! You call that priceless?" Kimmie: "Oh, since when did you care about losers in love?" stays silent. "Um, text me about it, I'm biz. Ciao ciao." leaves, doing stuff on her phone as she walks away. ---- and Jenny are in detention. Jenny is still investigating the book. Jenny: "Lee, check this out!" blast of foam hits her in the face, and she coughs. "Oh! Ew!" stands up to clear her head, and gets an electric shock. She sits down, still coughing, and takes another blast. Lee: whispering "Yeah, kinda hard to talk in here." enters a code into the door, and it opens. Biffy: "Yeah, I know. I rock." Lee: "Awesome. But I actually don't need to break out for a change. We're sorta checking intel." Biffy: sarcastic "Hmph. Right. Intel." Jenny "Find anything in there?" Jenny: her finger "I know, I know, I'm working on it, okay? Kinda cursed over here!" Biffy: "Right. Anyways, at least you don't have to worry about the room farting on ya. Seeya. I've got some intel to run of my own." Lee: teasingly "Kimmie intel?" Biffy: angry "You're living dangerously, Ping. And shut this door before Barrage comes back or he'll catch on." moves to leave, but comes back. "Oh, and I hate you, and also your phone should work in here now. Bye." Lee: "Nice! Thank you Biffy!" ---- and Cyrus are comparing notes. Cyrus: "Dude, I totally bought a paper from Grayson too! Everything was cool until I got this, the letter to water balloon you. Oh, and, this." holds up the picture of him buying a paper. Camillio: "Dude, we are so in the exact same boat on the exact same river." Cyrus: and singing "Same boat! Same river, the blackmailer riverboat queen!" sighs. "Needs some work." Camillio: "Maybe..." an idea "Ding, ding man! One awesome prez idea coming up! We should totally like team up, and catch that blackmailer yo!" Cyrus: "Totally!" and playing "Blackmailer express! Same day delivery of threats and lies. Cam and Captain Tophat will be, will be–" normally "What are we gonna be so I can sing about it?" Camillio: "We'll figure something out. C'mon. We need to talk to Grayson stat." duo walk a couple stalls down to Grayson's storefront. Camillio: "Okay seriously man, we gotta stop this." Grayson: "Hey I agree, but how?" Camillio: "Like tell us who else is being blackmailed and we'll–" Cyrus: and singing "Form a super-secret anti-blackmailer express and unnnexxxxpreesssss thaaaaaaaattttt!" inhales deeply. "So that work?" Camillio: Cyrus "Yeah hold off a second dude." Grayson "Ese, maybe if you told us, who else is on the list, we could like band together and stop this dude, or dudette, or whoever it is!" Grayson: "Sorry. No can do." Camillio: "What? Why not?" Grayson: "'Cause I got this!" hands over a sheet of paper. Camillio: at it "The dreaded smiley is!" Grayson: "The which?" Camillio: "Smiley face is, kinda lame but, some people do it." reading "If you stay silent, maybe you'll be okay." Cyrus "Aw, dude, they're totally playing us man!" ---- and Jenny have begun discussing the book in earnest. Jenny: "I still can't believe you have almost the same tattoo. What does this mean?" Lee: "I don't remember getting this. As if my mom would allow it! I guess I always just thought it was the weirdest birthmark in the world." Jenny: "So, just between research conspiracy friends, heh heh, uh, what's the deal with you and Tina?" phone rings, saving him from having to answer Jenny's question. He gladly answers it. Holger: into a locker "Lee of Pings, why you hate Holger so much?" Lee: "What? Holg, why would you even ask that?" Holger: "Holger no tell anyone else poem, then, everyone reading it out loud. And you think Holger poem is chucklemaking from the start! In your bedroom!" angrily hangs up. Lee: "Wait Holg–" accepts that Holger isn't on the other end anymore. Jenny: "What was that all about?" Lee: "Holger never told anyone else about that poem. Wait. I was online with you! Are you Ssh!? You're the only person who could know about my underpants. And Holger's poem." Jenny: "Hey, I heard the underpants part, okay, but then I totally hung up. But it is weird." thinking "Maybe someone else is like, listening into your room." eyes widen. Lee: "You're right. When I met Lynch, the reaper mats seemed to know about it." Memory Parrot: "It's a bird time you met Lynch at the fairground at ten o'clock this morning." Memory Holger: "And you think Holger's poem stupid from start! In your bedroom!" gasps. Lee: "Someone is listening into my room!" startled "The key!" leaps up. "If Barrage checks in, uh, tell him the door opened! And I went looking for him! Then call me!" runs out of the room. ---- bunch of popular kids are hanging out by the front steps when Ssh! sends out another message. Evan: entertained "Who ate dairy and now has terrible gas? Ssh! It's Brandy!" but Brandy laughs. Brandy: "Ugh! I do not have gas!" toots, and everyone laughs. Kimmie is also entertained as she sits in a car out front with her phone out. Suddenly, something thumps onto the roof of the car. Biffy: "So, you're Ssh!" Kimmie: "Oh yeah? Prove it." grabs her phone and examines it. Biffy: "Hmm. That's easy. Look at all these anonymous texts someone sent. Busted!" Kimmie: out of the car "Fine. But what I've got is way too fun to keep a secret. C'mon. I know you'll wanna see this." Biffy: "Uh, spreading bogus rumors isn't my idea of fun." Kimmie: "Oh, they are so not bogus." Biffy: "Really? How could you know this stuff? Emo Joe had a tough sleep last night 'cause his teddy bear was in the wash?" Kimmie: back into the car "I'll show you. It's pretty awesome. Get in. Let's go for a drive." leans down to get in, and his cat leaps into his hand, still wearing the wig. "Why is your cat wearing that?" Biffy: the wig "Uh, no reason, let's go, I'm hungry, can we have lunch wherever we're going?" car peels off. ---- and Cyrus are in the halls. Camillio: "Uhnkay so Grayson is like out. But if we can find the rest of the blackmailees, maybe we could–" opens his locker door to put his guitar inside, and a note falls out. Cyrus: whispering "Dude. Another letter!" Camillio: "Whoa." it up "And it's typed, man, just when we were on to the smiley face i thingy!" reading "You and Camillio must perform this duet before lunch is over, or else?!?" grabs the note and reads through it. Cyrus: "Whoa. These lyrics suck like superbad!" Camillio: "Aw man we're gonna look like idiots! A''gain!"'' ---- throws his bedroom door open and rummages frantically under his bed. Lee: "No! It's gone? I can't believe it!" reaches underneath his bed again and this time fumbles around the bottom of the bedframe. He pulls off the bug. "A bug? Seriously?" shadowy figure runs past his doorway, and Lee sniffs the air. "That smell. Sulfur and eggs!" determined "Someone's still here." ---- Lee: downstairs, still sniffing the air "He's here! Somewhere." realizes the living room has been ransacked. "What the–" walks over to an open photo album and picks up a picture of his parents in a foreign land with him as a baby. The shadowy figure runs past. "What? Who's there?" spots the figure. "Who are you?" shadow holds up the key. "And hey! That's mine!" figure lifts the visor on its motorcycle helmet and blows dust into Lee's face. Lee coughs, and his vision blurs. The figure then swings its leg out and knocks Lee off of his feet. By the time Lee gets up and runs after the figure, it has boarded its motorcycle and put the key in a carrying case. The motorcycle takes off, and Lee gives chase on his skateboard. ---- has taken Biffy to her house. She opens a closet door and walks inside. Kimmie: "Voila." Biffy: unimpressed "A walk-in closet is Ssh! headquarters?" Kimmie: "Trust me. This is suh-weet." leads him over to a computer with several monitors. Biffy: "Okay, you have my attention." the screens are several blueprints of locations with green and red dots on them. There is also a monitor filled with video feeds. Kimmie: "You just tap on one of these blips, and you can listen in, wherever it is." Biffy: "Wherever what is?" Kimmie: "Recording thingies, or whatever. Let's see if this kid's still home with the flu." to herself "Where was he..." remembering "Oh yeah!" taps one of the green dots. Short Boy: delirious "Oh, boy, Copernicus vs. Mega-Newton! Yeah! Oh, but I have the power of worms!" Biffy: laughing "That is pretty funny." nervous "But uh, seriously, were you uh, spying on me?" Kimmie: "Hmm. Wouldn't you like to know." annoyed "Where is lunch?" places an intercom call. "Saunders. Lunch. Yesterday." is no response. "Saunders!" the room "I'll be right back. Don't touch anything." phone rings. He pulls it out and answers it. Lee: frantic "Biff! My room was bugged and some guy broke into my house and stole my key and he's got a motorcycle!" Biffy: "Yeah, I already know all that! Well, not the intruder part, but–" Lee: "What? How?" Biffy: "No time to explain! Let's just say I've got my eye on the bug in question, and it's on the move!" Lee: "Yeah, I've got it in my pocket." on "Hold on. I'm gonna try something." hangs up, pulls out a piece of gum, and chews it. Once it's sufficiently sticky, he attaches it to the bug. Meanwhile, the thief notices that Lee is about to catch up to him at a red light, so he pulls out a bo stick. Lee ducks underneath it, but loses his balance. While he is able to attach the bug to the carrying case, he is on the ground and unable to follow as the motorcycle peels out. Lee puts an earpiece in his ear and taps it. Lee: "Okay Biffy, follow that bug!" Biffy: "Good one! Go down your next right and you'll meet up with him in a–" walks in with two plates of food. "Gotta go." heads down an alleyway. The motorcycle pulls up at the other end and stops, and the person on it stares at Lee through the visor. Lee stops his skateboard and gets a call. Lee: answering "Hey Biff, he's like waiting for me." Holger: "Lee! It's Holger from school calling from locker of shame." Lee: "Hey buddy good to hear from you but this is the worst time ever." Holger: "Holger need to know. Did Leemiester tell school about poem?" Lee: "Holg, for serious. I'd never do that, okay? But I really gotta go." looks up. "Huh?" motorcycle has left. Holger: ecstatic "Ooh, Holger knew it! Ya-ha! I be reading you new poem." gasps. The motorcycle is coming at him from the other end of the alley. The rider holds up his staff–and lightly taps Lee on the arm before peeling out the end of the alley. Lee: his arm "Ow! I don't get it. He's totally playing with me." ---- the eavesdropping center, Kimmie has sashimi and Biffy has cake. Biffy: "So um, your mom set this up to bug kids at school? Why?" Kimmie: "Hello, my mom's head of the Parents' Council? Keeping tabs on people is part of the job. C'mon we should probably get back to school now." Biffy: "Yeah, we could go back to school, but I kinda wanna hear if anything else comes over the wire. Y'know?" Kimmie: "See? Told you it was fun. Okay, five more minutes." smiles shakily as he keeps his eyes on a red dot. He isn't the only one following the dot. Holger: his poem to Lee "Better for the skinkledorf soup than painting with a weasel." loses track of the thief after a streetcar passes between them. Lee: "What? Where did he go?" Holger: "So? What does Lee think?" Lee: "Greta's gonna love it, okay? I gotta go buddy, really gotta call Biffy." Holger: happy "Bye Lee! Oh, class is starting soon!" Lee: worried "Class, oh man! I gotta get back before detention is over!" Biffy "C'mon Biffy pick up!" worried "He better keep an eye on that bug!" ---- news comes on. Cam and Cyrus are hosting. Camillio: nervous "Uh hey guys uh, school prez here. Uh, me and my boy Cyrus, have a song for you, about, uh, love." Cyrus: emotionlessly "My first crush, there's so many things that I wanna sa-a-a-ay." Camillio: singing "Like I totally love you, and I don't wan chu, to go awa-a-ay." Cyrus: singing "My heart goes pitter-pat." Camillio: in falsetto "'Cause your love's so where it's aaaaatttt!" Lee: towards detention "Yikes! That's awful. Lemme guess. More blackmailing." ---- makes it through the open detention door and sits down. Principal General Barrage: upset "What in the name of pine helicopters and chimp-chomping chimpanzees is going on?" the room "Why has the Detentionator 5000 been disabled?" Jenny: "How should we know?" Principal General Barrage: sinisterly "I will get to the bottom of this. And if I find out you've been up to some tommygunfoolery, there'll be sand in the seventh level of Heck to pay! De-smissed!" principal leaves. Biffy walks into the room. Biffy: "What did I tell you about the door?" Lee: "Sorry. My bad." Biffy: "Never mind that! I've got a last-known location on that bug. Just before I left Kimmie's I mean the last time I saw the uh GPS coordinates, it stopped at a downtown casino called the Hydra!" Lee: "Then that's where the key is! Now that Cassandra's got both, she's probably gonna try to open that pyramid. I need it back. The Taz obviously thought it was pretty important for me to have." Jenny: "And you're obviously connected to this book in a totally weird way." Biffy: "So? Whaddya say? Next stop the Hydra?" Lee: "Let's do it." his arm "I have unfinished business with that key thief."